He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
