I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
