Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
