All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Floor bacon is actually really good
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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