we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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