Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Randomize
