I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
