The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
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