I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
this just has baby written all over it
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
