I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
