How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize