normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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