i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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