I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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