Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
