if you like me you must not know who I am
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
