every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
