my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
