So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
