You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
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