Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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