do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
