I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
