That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
