why didn't you poke me back
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
