He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
