Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
you mean i was at the winter classic?
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
