I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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