i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
