Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
