He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
