Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
