but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I booty called her while she was in labor.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
