Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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