she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Randomize
