I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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