im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Randomize
