i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I have surprise drugs for everyone
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
