My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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