I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
