Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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