Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I have aggressive nipples.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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