Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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