barbara walters just said penis...
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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