I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
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