Your face is a jimmy john
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
