the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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