Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I still have a little drunk in my system
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
