if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
