i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
