He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
We are all done wearing pants today
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Randomize
