Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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