My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
pop tarts are not kleenex
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
